18 Dec The week ahead: December 18th through December 24th:

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This has probably been one of the most intense new moons I’ve had to do deal with since the summer solstice, and the ugly things coming up right now just feel overwhelming. I’ve had some deep seated stuff connected with my family resurface with an unfortunate collection of events; I’m talking old traumas I thought I had worked through that are back for a round 2. This time, I needed to face the reality of the situation at hand, and for anyone that ever needs to come to that point, this ain’t no pretty view. I know I keep being brought back to this view because I don’t finish the healing work, or I think I do after I feel better and I don’t follow it all the way through to make sure I then face myself and where I’ve decided (unknowingly or not) to carry on things that my parents do. Ooohh this work hurts, it stings, and it sucks balls. Straight up. But I need to face this ugliness, I need to release myself of this pain and the continual torture of reacting to situations the way my parents would, because when I react (instead of responding), I choose to carry their pain with me. Every time something doesn’t go my way, rage should not be my first response; that belongs to my father. Every time I find myself in a situation that requires me to face myself, playing the victim should not be my first response; that belongs to my mother. I have to give these things back; I can’t carry them anymore, they’re only slowing me down on my journey. They don’t belong to me! And yet, I can see how they kept me safe for so long and I can see how acting that way, my parents got what they wanted in their own lives. But I don’t want to live their life, and in order to live the life that I want for myself, I cannot play it safe anymore, nor can I act in a way that keeps me from growing on all levels. It requires me to let go and find new ways of handling things that help me to overcome this pain that was passed down. I don’t have to carry this anymore, I can put all this shit down and walk away from it, and yet I still hesitate. I think some part of me is sad to let it go. I think it’s all I really have left of them in my life, which is probably the saddest thing I’ve ever had to face. But, maybe, I don’t have to carry their pain to be connected with them. Maybe, if I choose to work through all this crap and face myself, I can choose instead to carry with me the understanding that at one point, two people loved each other enough to knowingly bring me into this world, that my existence brought them joy and that I was wanted.

I lay my ugliness bare for you guys so you know as you go through whatever you’re going through, that you aren’t alone. Make a conscious point to face yourself and the ugliness that may be coming up for you, too. Look for ways you can trace it back and find that beginning point. Look for ways that you may be continuing a pain cycle that was handed down and be brave enough to release it. And don’t be afraid to re-frame your story so you’re reminded that you belong here and are wanted, because that is the real truth. This work requires all hands on deck, so ask for help as needed. Do things to love yourself and treat yourself with respect. You’re a sacred spark of the Divine, you beautiful bia–it’s time to remember <3

Go ahead and pick a card (pick one, two, or all three cards–pick what you’re drawn to). I actually picked an herb this week, and the herb you see in the picture above is Rosemary. The Ancients were well acquainted with the shrub, which had a reputation for strengthening the memory. On this account it became the emblem of fidelity for lovers. It holds a special position among herbs from the symbolism attached to it. Not only was it used at weddings, but also at funerals, for decking churches and banqueting halls at festivals, as incense in religious ceremonies, and in magical spells. At weddings, it was entwined in the wreath worn by the bride, being first dipped into scented water. A Rosemary branch, richly gilded and tied with silken ribbons of all colors, was also presented to wedding guests, as a symbol of love and loyalty. Together with an orange stuck with cloves it was given as a New Year’s gift. In place of more costly incense, the ancients used Rosemary in their religious ceremonies. An old French name for it was Incensier. The Spaniards revere it as one of the bushes that gave shelter to the Virgin Mary in the flight into Egypt and call it Romero, the Pilgrim’s Flower. Both in Spain and Italy, it has been considered a safeguard from witches and evil influences generally. The Sicilians believe that young fairies, taking the form of snakes, lie amongst the branches. It was an old custom to burn Rosemary in sick chambers, and in French hospitals it is customary to burn Rosemary with Juniper berries to purify the air and prevent infection. Like Rue, it was placed in the dock of courts of justice, as a preventative from the contagion of gaol-fever. A sprig of Rosemary was carried in the hand at funerals, being distributed to the mourners before they left the house, to be cast on to the coffin when it had been lowered into the grave. In many parts of Wales it is still a custom. One old legend compares the growth of the plant with the height of the Saviour and declares that after thirty-three years it increases in breadth, but never in height. If you’d like to lean more about this herb, please go here. 

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If you chose card #1: Your message this week is about your Awakening. Your card goes on to say that awakening is the understanding of your inner divine intelligence. You can look back on the choices you have made and identify the lessons you have learned, with each step advancing towards your own spiritual ascension. No more fears. No more doubts. No more self-judgement. This is a time of transformation: through elevating your thoughts, speaking your truth, and connecting with the divine light that ignites within you–this is a time of profound spiritual change. From each stage of learning, you may find yourself at a crossroads, on the verge of making an important leap forward. This also indicates that something you have been anticipating is finally getting closer. Divine wisdom come from letting go of any negative feelings you have been harboring towards others or yourself. Holding onto guilt, fear, or resentment cannot serve you in any way and prevents you from connecting with your Higher Self. A time to release the old attachments and practice forgiveness. Questions to ask your self right now: Do I need to forgive myself or someone else? What am I resisting at this time? Am I ready to take the next step in my own healing and transformation? Additional Meanings: Epiphany • Letting go of guilt • A period of improvement • New beginnings • New jobs • Transition • Renewal.

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If you chose card #2: Your message this week is about the Knight of Swords. Your card goes on to say that if this is about a situation: You have clear intentions and your eye is on the prize. It may feel as though nothing can stop you now, and that the world is full of possibilities. It is, however, important that you make a clear plan for those necessary steps, in order to reach your goals. Do not move too hastily or rush ahead, or else you may find that you will be regretful in the future. It is important to take your time, and find balance in all things, mind, body, and spirit. If this is about a person: An extremely enthusiastic, assertive individual who is both intelligent and energetic. They’re ready to take any necessary steps in order to manifest their desires, which can sometimes make them come off as hasty or impulsive if they are not aware of any potential challenges along the way. A minor lack of foresight, but great determination in achieving what they want. Additional
 Meanings: Ambitious • Capable • Energetic • Self determined • Naive.

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If you chose card #3: Your message this week is about the Five of Cups. Your card goes on to say that things have not gone the way you’d hoped for or planned. This card indicates a time of grief or loss as you struggle to see a light at the end of the tunnel. The Five of Cups often highlight times in life when certain conditions are unstable, feelings are challenging or conflicting, or an inner survival mode kicks in. Know that a positive resolution is still very possible, but it will depend on how you focus your energy and thoughts. Try to not resist the inevitable changes, or else you may find yourself stuck in a rut, repeating the same lesson again. This is a time of transformation and regeneration. Additional Meanings: Regret • Obsession • Self pity • A need for forgiveness.

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This is your week! Make it an amazing one 🙂